remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
