Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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