I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
