I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
