I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
