I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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