meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
