Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
