His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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