I'm so fucking centered right now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
