I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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