White coat. Heels.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
