Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
