it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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