I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
