i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
