Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
