she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
