Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I fill condoms, not promises.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
