I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
