btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
