I puked a lego.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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