I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
