its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
