Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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