I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
