I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
