I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
