apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
