I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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