But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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