Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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