I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
