East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
