literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
