I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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