Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
