So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
