good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
