And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
