All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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