Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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