I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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