so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
