Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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