he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
