You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
