maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone came in the potted fern
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
