Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
