Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
