This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
