The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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