I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
