You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
