I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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